The other day I reported my stolen bike. On any decent hourly rate in Aus (eg McDonalds junior), it cost me more than the bike was worth so lucky I am not working.

I prepared myself well with a piece of paper with all the details and what I was there for and after siesta (2-4 or 1 - 5 or 2-5 where everything shuts down - in this instance 4pm we thought) Karen and I headed across to the Port Police office to report the theft of my two month old bicycle.



The policeman spoke little english but understood my broken Spanish and poor grammar and explained that I had to report it to the Policia National in the big red building at the end of the marina. So, after he took down all of the details from my piece of paper, off we went to the big red building. By the time we arrived it was about 5pm. Here we waited in queue to speak to the officer handing out queue number tickets and found he spoke very good english. He explained that yes we had to report it to the National police and we were in the national police building but we had to go to another national police building 1 mile down the road past the big square with the big fountain. I warned Karen that if we got sent to another building that I was going to give up!

So off we go again and after a little bit of circuitous navigation and questioning of building security guards we found the next national police station with a policeman who spoke English and was very helpful. He told us in Spain we had to ring a number and report the incident via a translator and then come back and print and sign the report - sounded too easy. (And luckily we were not sent to another building...)

We found a quiet spot around the corner and rang the number and found out how to say " your call is important to us, please hold the line and the next available operator will take your call" in Spanish. The phone was briefly answered and when they heard my english I got the hold message again in English.

The operator (from Madrid) then answered, could not understand my english very well, nor my attempts to pronounce any Spanish addresses or names of the marina but after 30 mins on the phone the report was complete. So Karen and I headed back in to get the report printed and signed (or so we thought).

We were directed to a waiting room with 2 couples in it and the first couple was called almost immediately - how easy was this going to be.... 45 minutes later the first couple reappeared with their report in their hand. The second couple were called in 45mins later....

Eventually, concerned by the increasing number of people in the waiting room, a second officer was put to task and I finally made it into the interview room with a non-English speaking officer. He pulled up the report on the computer - read my Spanish notes and made some modifications to the report. He then asked me to read and check the accuracy of the Spanish report - which I did - picking out words I understood and getting the general jist and it seemed accurate for every 10th word I understood. He then printed and I signed the 200 copies and I left with the police report in my hand at 9:00pm at night!

As I was leaving, a lady who was sitting next to Karen in the waiting room smiled and winked at me - interesting I thought as Karen and I walked out together. When I told Karen, she clarified that the Lady was indeed very friendly, having tried to pick Karen up in the waiting room with the line - "Your so beautiful" - obviously some drug problems on this island.

So tips on reporting theft in Spain for non-Spanish speakers - don't bother going to the police station ring 902 102 112, know all the address details including where you are making the call from, and don't try and clarify english words with poor Spanish pronunciation. Also take a sandwich when you go to get the report printed as you will probably wait quite a while and the vending machines don't work all that well.

The bike story does end happily - On Monday morning I set off to Telde about 24 hilly kilometers from Las Palmas to buy a new bike that I had seen at a much reduced price (about what I had paid for my first bike) - fully prepared with a list of questions (can you deliver it to Las Palmas for collection? How much will that cost? When would it get there? or as a last resort What is the best route back to Las Palmas?if I had to ride it back)

Well I got the bus easily and arrived at the shop Burbijita surf shop and the bike was still there so I bought it and gave them my list of questions - no problems there - but he could not explain where I had to pick it up. Maps were being drawn when their service guy came in with a bike and he was on his way back to Las Palmas so they offered me a lift in a very cool Hawaiian floral print Yellow Landrover and was dropped back at the Marina.

So now I have a very cool mountain bike again, locked with a very secure (and heavy) chain to my boat.